Downsizing to Move Abroad: The Unexpected Emotional Rollercoaster
If you ask on expat boards about what to do with your stuff when you move abroad, there seems to be three schools of thought:
- Get rid of everything and start fresh.
- Ship it all to your new home.
- Downsize and take only what truly matters (or what can’t easily be replaced)
I chose option three.
Now I’ve moved a lot—nine states, including Hawaii—so I thought I had the whole packing-and-purging thing down to a science. Keep the essentials, donate the rest, trash what no longer serves you, and call it a day, right?
I was wrong…sorta.
Downsizing for my international move hit me differently. It wasn’t just about decluttering; it was about deciding what parts of my life still fit the person I was becoming.
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It’s an emotional rollercoaster that no one warns you about.
If you’re facing a similar journey, I’ve got some practical and emotional survival tips to help.
The Myth of “I’m Not That Attached to Stuff”
I used to pride myself on being able to pack everything I owned into one U-Haul and hit the road. Very lesbian of me, I know. 😊 I’ve Marie Kondo’d my life more times than I can remember, and I genuinely thought I had no problem letting go.
But let me tell you—there’s something about knowing you can’t just stash it in storage and deal with it later that makes even the most random object feel weighted with memories, future possibilities, and no small amount of self-doubt.
The house and car? Gone without much drama. But my old notebooks filled with ideas for side hustles that never took off? Those made me question whether I’d ever be successful. And could I justify taking so many potentially expensive-to-replace art supplies? Letting them go felt like admitting I might never be a “real” artist.
I had to face some hard truths. But before we dive into the emotional side, let’s start with the easier part — the practical.
Practical Downsizing Tips (From Someone Who Learned the Hard Way)
If you’re in the process of downsizing for an international move, here are my hard-won tips to make it slightly less painful:
1. Start Early (Like, Yesterday)
You think you’ll just need a couple of months? Try doubling it. Seriously. Downsizing takes way longer than you expect, even if you’re not a hoarder. Allow time to get sidetracked reminiscing over old concert tickets or questioning your entire life.
2. Use the “Love, Need, Ditch” Method
Every item you own should fit into one of these categories:
- Love it: Has deep sentimental or artistic value (and ideally, a place in your new life).
- Need it: Essential for daily life or difficult/expensive to replace abroad.
- Ditch it: Everything else—especially what you can replace easily and affordably in your new country.
3. Sell or Donate (But Be Realistic About It)
Selling takes time, and buyers will lowball you like it’s their life mission. I started off researching and setting fair prices but quickly got tired of haggling over $5. By the end, I was giving things away just to be done with it.
4. Don’t Forget the “Unseen” Stuff
- Legal documents Keep what you legally have to, shred the rest. I ended up having several huge leaf bags of shredded files. If you don’t find it cathartic, find a bulk shredding facility.
- Electronics—Erase and recycle responsibly. You can even take out your frustrations by banging the hell out of old hard drives to make sure they’re unreadable. Oops, I’m skipping ahead to stress-relieving techniques.
- Tools—Look for specialty donation centers for home repairers, many cities have them.
- Medications—Properly dispose of expired medications at a prescription take-back center.
5. Consider Last Minute Items
What are you doing with the pajamas you sleep in the night before you leave? Just saying.
The Emotional Toll of Purging
I expected to feel relieved as I got rid of stuff—and I did. But I also found myself spiraling into a mess of unexpected emotions.
Here’s what no one tells you about downsizing for an international move: It’s about shedding layers of your past. Every item forces you to confront a memory, a decision, a version of yourself. It’s not just about getting rid of stuff.
The Weirdly Sentimental Items
Like I said, I had no problem selling my house or car. But when it came to my art supplies? Agonizing. I found myself questioning my identity: If I let go of these, am I giving up on being an artist?
I had to sit with that feeling for a while before the epiphany came: Keeping them wouldn’t magically make me successful, and letting them go didn’t mean I was failing either.
The Ghosts of Past Careers and Hobbies
Buried in my closet were relics from every hustle I’d ever attempted—freelance editing, sign language interpreting, even teaching gender-neutral West Coast Swing. Looking at them, I couldn’t help but feel the sting of failure.
I had to reframe it: Those experiences weren’t wasted. They were part of my journey, even if they weren’t my final destination. It’s all the right path (or as I like to say “All roads leads to the goddess”).
The Fear of Regret
What if I needed something later? What if I missed an item I couldn’t replace? At one point, I actually took things out of the Trash pile back to the Keep pile. Eventually, I had to pour a gross, greasy liquid on the “trash” to prevent myself from taking things back out. (No regrets there.)
Know that you will second-guess some choices. It’s part of the process so don’t beat yourself up about it. Do remind yourself what you’ll gain by letting it go. I even made up a mantra for myself: “Don’t let stuff keep you from your freedom.” And as someone who has moved numerous times before, I can tell you that within months, you won’t even remember most of what you let go.
Tips to Make Downsizing Emotionally Easier
1. Tackle the Hard Stuff First
Get the emotionally difficult decisions out of the way early. The rest will feel like a breeze by comparison.
2. Keep a Journal
Writing about the process helped me work through feelings of loss, excitement, and sheer panic.
3. Take Photos Before You Toss
This is especially great for sentimental items. Keep the memory in the cloud without the clutter. For example, I took photos of trophies from dance competitions before letting them go.
4. Give Items Someone Appreciative
Selling stuff is great, but gifting it to someone who will truly appreciate it feels even better. Knowing my favorite feather shirts were going to a good home (aka a friend who makes gorgeous and elaborate costumes) made it easier to part with them.
5. Get a Friend to Help
Ask a friend who is ruthless but kind—because left to your own devices, you might end up just reorganizing instead of actually getting rid of anything.
6. Accept That You’ll Regret Letting Go of Something
You may get rid of things you later wish you had kept. But you know what’s worse? Hauling a bunch of unnecessary junk across the world. Especially when you’re paying by the pound to get it there.
7. Document (and Insure?) Everything You Keep
Create an inventory list. You’ll thank yourself later.
8. Expect Multiple Rounds of Purging
Remember when I mentioned taking things out of the trash pile? Well, in the next round many went right back in the trash. Accept that this is part of the process. You likely won’t get everything right on the first round. Then when you finish, you may find the suitcase is over the weight limit and you have to make some really hard decisions about what else to get rid of. But by now, you’ve got the hang of this and know you can do it.
9. Borrow Kittens If it gets too depressing, borrow some kittens. The antics of my friend’s 3 kittens replaced my tears with laughter on several occasions.
The Freedom on the Other Side
Downsizing is part logistical nightmare, part emotional journey. It’s weirdly cathartic but also full of moments that will make you question everything. But it’s also a chance to redefine what really matters to you.
Once I got past the initial struggle, it felt good to release what no longer served me. Despite the emotional turmoil, downsizing for this international move was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done.
At the end of the day, your life is not your stuff. The things you carry with you—literally and figuratively—should support your next adventure, not weigh you down.
Have you ever downsized for a big move? What was the hardest thing to let go of? Drop a comment—I’d love to commiserate!
